Imagine.......

If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

If it's zero degrees outside today, and it is supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, would the degrees still be zero?

Why is it called building when it is already built?

If pro is the oppsite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

If you drop a chameleon in water, will it turn clear?

If tin whistles are made of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

If all the world is a stage where is the audience sitting?

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

When cheese gets its picture taken what does it say?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

If lawyers are debarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, dry cleaners depressed?

Why is it if someone tells you there are 1 billion stars in the universe, you will believe them but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

I thought how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me ...they are cramming for their final exams.

Calvin and Hobbes Quotes
Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Calvin: I'm a genius, but I'm a misunderstood genius.
Hobbes: What's misunderstood about you?
Calvin: Nobody thinks I'm a genius.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, it just seemed wrong to cheat on an ethics test.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Calvin: Can you make a living playing silly games? His Dad: Actually, you can be among the most overpaid people on the planet.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real application in life.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Some people are pragmatists, taking things as they come and making the best of the choices available. Some people are idealists, standing for principle and refusing to compromise. And some people just act on any whim that enters their heads. I pragmatically turn my whims into principles!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
The real fun of living wisely is that you get to be smug about it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Calvin: Know what I pray for?
Hobbes: What?
Calvin: The strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference.
-------------------------------------------------------------------

I say, if your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Hobbes: What would you call the creation of the universe? Calvin: The Horrendous Space Kablooie!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
If something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Who wouldn't be interested in everything we do?!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
As a math atheist, I should be excused from this.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
This one's tricky. You have to use imaginary numbers, like eleventeen
-------------------------------------------------------------------
You can present the material, but you can't make me care.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
YAAH! DEATH TO OATMEAL!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
>From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life .... Procrastinating and rationalizing.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Reality continues to ruin my life.
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Calvin: Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak.
Hobbes: Probably so we can think twice.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I liked things better when I didn't understand them.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Is it a right to remain ignorant?
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I think nighttime is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Miss Wormwood: What state do you live in?
Calvin: Denial.
Miss Wormwood: I don't suppose I can argue with that...
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the point of wearing your favourite rocketship underpants if nobody ever asks to see 'em?
-------------------------------------------------------------------
My life needs a rewind/erase button.